Casandra

"As Lovers Go"

she said "i've gotta be honest,
you're wasteing your time if you're fishing round here."
and i said "you must be mistaken,
cause i'm not fooling...this feeling is real"
she said...she said "you gotta be crazy,
What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?
"No, you've got wits, you've got looks,
you've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."

all wrong.
all wrong.
but you got me...

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

and i said "i've gotta be honest
i've been waiting for you all my life."
for so long i thought i was asylum bound,
but just seeing you makes me think twice.
and being with you here makes me sane,
i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side.
you've got wits...you've got looks,
you've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

tonight.
tonight.
but you've got me...

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

Damn yeah its been a long time. Just to let everyone know...there is no more me and anthony. That was over a very long time ago. It's just not there anymore. I miss something beign there sometimes. Anyway, im in college now. going to cool ass solano. oh yea. i met alot of new people. marissa, the guam crew> ej, aj, erick and christina. they had a party last night. damn marissa got fucked up. had to take her home early. then ej thought he was wonder woman because of my lunch box. hey ej. why is my breathe fogging up. CUZ ITS COOLDDD. silly. anyway. that was the first time i really hung out with those kids outside of school. they live in those new townhouses by target. Good store too. hehe. well anyway, not much has happened lately. just no relationships and that is by choice. they are nothing but trouble. um i have a job at pietros #1. fun times. met some new people there too. I think ive become more outgoing since i worked there. THe waitresses are nice too. Um....my cool car broke down. sniff sniff i miss it so. i met alot of the guam crews friends. really nice people. then aj and ej started playing some music on their guitars. SANTERIA...everyone joined in it was great. i feel kinda bad cuz i think i was supposed to call randy and give him directions. OH yeah and marissas friend name amir or something wanted to make out with me just because...no no no no thank you. ill survive without it. oh marissas boyfriend is no longer named tyson thanks to ej his name is faclon. "is his name falcon or malcom? its tyson...oh i like falcon better" so thats that story. ummm then me and ej got lost on the way home from taking marissa and "falcon" and amir home. damn those alcohlics. they owe me big time ::shakes fist:: NOw im just sitting in my room listening to some ROONEY. pretty good music if you ask me. i need to go to bed i just finished working on some psychology work. reading and all that swell stuff. Well im done, spent, gone. "Keep it real homies"

well the night started off slow. but eventually good people showed up. it didnt go the way we had planned. i planned to hang out with louie and juanita with jon...and of course kristin and alex. well louie calls later asking if it was really saturday...yes it WAS! and he said he would come by....hmm a day later still not here. but yeah then juanita was trying to kick it wiht jon and he was beign weird. i hate when guys play games...sorry girl...but yeah we were just hangin out ryan and josh came by. they played pingpong...haha wiht my little brother then me and josh kicked kristin and ryans butt in pool...oh in your faces. but yeah im gonna finish later "keep ir real homies"

man im freakin happy. saturday is my party. it better be fun. alot of people are supposed to come over. Im excited. well anyway. im at my best friends house. kristin and juanita. the best girls in the world. dont go changin on me. :D but anyway, we are over here about to watch american history x. ive never seen it all the way through but they said it was a sad movie. i got my tissues ready. haha laahoooo-za-hur. so yeah..i feel bad cuz today was louies bday and i didnt get a chance to tell him happy birthday.@ :( but im sure hell survive. ill just make it up to him on saturday...hehe...enough said..but yeah today was cool. we started off with just dropping off film and going to sports mart but then went to old navy best buy then les schwab(spelling?) then burger king. oh yeah and some guy at the mall told me to shut up cuz when we walked by the cart thing i said it was interesting...just cuz hes mad cuz he has to work at a shitty ass pillow place hahah loooser but then on the way a back ricky mugged his gay ass...haha i mean chris judd. he looks just like him...everyone stopped and stared. it was great. i bet he felt dumb when we walked by. like shit better quit tellin little people to shut up cuz i work at a pillow bean bag cart! gosh all i could od was laugh cuz his job looked like it was shit. oh and ricky almost got some new rims for his denali. they were nice... but then we went to get our pictures. one word for the ones with the guys........ DAMN!!!!!!!!!
how hott can you guys be? gosh if only...haha well i guess im gonna go watch the movie now. my summer is going swelll. yay! "keep it real homies"

man this week was definitly one to remember. Monday my mom was being a little weird cuz guess its the whole oh my kid is off to college thing... and the i took my finals tuesday and that night... i ended up in the emegency room. oh wow. scary. i had a very bad sharp pain in my side that the doctors thought was apendicitis or however you spell it then it moved down more and they thought i had a sist(spelling??) on my freakin ovary. i was so scared. and they took xrays then put a damn i.v. in my hand. ahhhh. hurt lke a booger. but then the paint slowly went away and they werent able to figure out what it was..so i went home at 11 or 12 and istill had my hard finals the next day. english and psychology. but i passed no problem.. so the next day was t.a.and hang out with juanita and amanda. shes a cool girl. huh juany? but thursday night was the freakin best. oh man. party at sams house. and i hung out wtih louie. awww need i say more? just let your imagination go. well not to far cuz yeah that didnt happen. anthony was there. drunk as usual. not the coolest. and he was trying to act all cool like nothing ever happened...and asked me to get him beer. of all people he asked me...and we were around jon and louie and all those guys and me and juanita were sitting on the bumper of a car and anthony comes up and is like ohyou need to go home ...i dont want you drinking. which he was the one wasted..not me..and i told him to go hom eand he goes i cant...yeah dumb ass cuz you got wasted...but yeah then he tried to hug on me and juanita pulled me away from him..she was like you wont stop it so i will and he was hella calling for her and we just left...she said that the guys were looking at us and its not cool if i was hangin out with louie then huggin on my ex. not cool at all. so yeah it went all cool..i was ready to go home early..but i was blocked in. so i eventually went home and the next day at 8:00!!!! we had grad practice. and i was tired. not good. but then saturday we graduated!!!!!freakin great. i went home and had a family party and then went to my buddy juanita's...thats my girl for ever!!! and then went by josh austins cuz he and jules ahd a little thing then went to jamie moores. my buddy since 3rd grade. cool shit. thenw ent back o juanitas then jennfer picked me up for grad night which we left early. i felt sick. haha we played those slot machines and we kept winning. i guess you got 10 token things for a "100 bucks" and we just played off that all night even though we still had 2700 more to spare. i just gave them to my buddy greg. and now im here and its dads day adn we got him some clothes and my mom surprised me with new car stuff. its lookin cool. but yeah so there you go juany. i finally wrote a buttload of stuff.. "keep it real homies"

Man, yesterday started out to be the worst day. I woke up went to school. it was all good. then i rememebered that MR. Penroses paper was due today. CRAP 100 points. i was sooo upset and then jennifer didnt do hers either so we went back to my house and finished what i could. then i had to go back to school at 4th period. then i was gonna hang out with ant at lunch but i didnt bother asking cuz he always complains about how boring it is. so i hung out with Gio juany, kristin...the usual buddies. and that got over with and then 5th came around it was okay...but the whole paper thing had me stressing. i had to finish it in juany's 6th. so we get there and the network was down. i couldnt do my paper. then after school anthony was like want to do something today and i said sure but he said he already had plans...what is that...its messed up! so i got a ride home and i finished it and went to send it to my teacher...then the website timed out so i had to do it again. finally i finished. hopefully he will take it or i will not pass. :( so then i talked to juanita and kristin adn they tell me to call louie and sal up and see what there were up to. we were just gon...opps gotta finish later "keep it real homies"

yeah whats up? its saturday and it feels like we have school tomorrow. i think im just anxious to get it over with. Last night was pretty cool. jon juanita and kristin came over. we had fun. playing basketball. but i started to feel sick. i think my bro got me sick. anyways. we just hung out played pool and all sorts of things like that. and we had an actual dinner. normally we just cook a bunch of junk. but it was really good. so we kicked it for a while and i tried to watch the movie se7en. i could stay awake. what i saw was pretty cool. and then alex came over and he wouldnt leave. i couldnt go to sleep til i knew he was gone. hes prolly mad cuz i had to kick him out at like 330 am. but i told him before he came over he couldnt stay. sorry kid. these past few days have been really weird for me. being with out anthony and all. he keeps calling to hang out but im sticking to my plan. nothig like that til yeah. im not gonna spread his business on here. but yeah so far it seems to be going well. its so weird talking to him. i miss him but. im not gonna let that get to me! Im gonna be strong and stick to what is best for me. yeah not alot has happened lately just the me and ant thing. sad but true. :'( very sad. well i guess ill be going "keep it real homies"

Last night was great. IT was prom night. Josh looked good, ryan looked good, and even arnie looked good. It was soo fun. Josh didnt want to dance so i danced with everyone else. Well before i get to that i hve to start from the beginning. I had to make a few stops in the morning to get chap stick and money, cameras, and bobby pins. haha gotta keep that hair up. and i went and saw ant for a few minutes. i really wish i was goin with him but i couldnt flake on josh. that would be so not cool. And not me. but i got dressed and was ready in time. it was around 330 400. and we took our pictures. and went on our way. we had to stop at joshs cuz he forgot my coursage, and then get gas. then we get to arnie and ryans house. take more pictures. ugggh. not fun. but yeah so anyways. i got alot of compliments on my dress and stuff from all the parents and all that good stuff. then we drove to frisco. the streets were packed and we got to the cafe place at around 6 something. oh and we had to park in a parkin garage. and the stairs to get out of it. they had to be seperate so that of course the people could see up the dress. and my big mouth had to annouce it. "Oh man people can see up my dress. and arnie and heycock were in front of us so they ran down the stairs. no good,. but i fixed it. and then we had to walk to the place in my freakin shoes. Pretty not that fun if you ask me. so we get there and climb a bunch more stairs trying to find the group. up and down up and down. not fun. but dinner was good,. i guess hilary and arnie were fighting and he shot a spitball at her and she threw food at him alot. poor guy. but he asked for the first part of the food that was thrown. then we go to the hotel. that is if we could find it. it took a long while but we made it. then we decided that we were gonna wait a few before we got to prom. and we left at 945 and got lost cuz of a bunch of detours. and got to prom at 11. yikes. but i found juanita and all those people and we danced the night way. and took our group pictures. josh like i said didnt want to dance so i danced with a bunch of people. kristin juany, sandy, ryan arnie chris greg jesse david i changed my shoes by the way. haha thats how i was able to. haha when i danced wtih chris i was like damn man im tired i cant do this and he was all "you can do it!"<-- water boy. and he was singing too. ahhh that night was great. after all that i still really missed anthony. alot. i wanted to call him but it was 100 am. they tried to get me to stay but i promised him i would come home. But i had alot of fun. even the getting lost part was interesting. made it a not so typical prom night. well thats all for now. oh and no, since i went home, no after parties. well "keep it real homies"

Well this weekend went alot better than the last week. Friday night i get a call from ant. and he wants me to go by tims. i couldnt cuz grandpa was over and i needed to visit him. so then saturday i went over tims and ant drove back to my house. we hung out there. it was sooooo much fun. It got better after i told him about my doubts in our relationship. He responded by acting like he cared alot more. we, well he and the rest of my family went swimming and then we ate dinner. haha he didnt say one word. he was to busy eatin. so anyway after we ate, we went and rode the quads. we went to the top portion of the field and we were gonna drive off a hill thing cuz my sis did it and she said it was fun. so im holding the gas at like 35 mph and he grabs its and we end up going around 45 mph. off a hill and we got so much air. i wanted to kill him sooooooooooo bad. i was laughing but wanted to cry cuz i was soo freaked out. and i couldnt yell or scream cuz my voice is all weird right now. but after that we went and visited my buddy kristin. didnt see juany :( and then we went driving around a bit. hehe. no detail. jk and then we went to get his stuff. at tims and tim told us to go by alex's so we did.then they wanted to go back to tims house. i was like uhhh no my i already told my mom he was staying at my house that night. and he wanted to come by later that night. I DONT THINK SO!!!!but i told him how i felt about it and told him if he wanted to go then.... go. and he said nah fuck it and stayed with me. i felt special for a like a minute. but yeah we just watched tv all night til 3 am and then we went to the nugget in the morning for my mommy and i made him pick out the stuff. it was sooooo cute. he carried around a basket of grapes and strawberries. hes all i feel like an old guy. but it was cute. haha im mean. i didnt help him at all. but yeah then we hung out for a while longer. it was really nice spending it just the two of us. well yeah im done telling you all the dorky crap. so ill see ya later. "Keep it real HOmies"

I sit here waiting on just one thing
All I want is for my phone to ring
I want to hear your voice on the other line
So I can finally find out if you are fine
Last night i know did not go good
If i could change last night i would
Everything that could go wrong
Did go wrong
The only thing that did go right
Was the only kiss that happened that night
Why haven't you called me today
I never treated you this way
You've never done this before so how
And why do you do this to me now
I'm so lost and confused on what to do
Should I go or should i stay with you
What is it that is keeping me from leaving
Is it that smile, my heart, that keeps me believing
One thing i dont understand is why you lied
All this pain is killing me inside
People say "I'd do anything for you"
"I'd fight for you, I'd die for you"
But you are the one killing me
Since you are the one fighting against me
I look at my answer machine and it reads nothing
I came home hopeing it would say something
I talk to my friends they tell me to "end it"
I'm so close to saying we just need to split
Now I sit and count, two loves lost in one lifetime
Why couldn't things turn out fine
I sit here stomach starting to swirl
How can all this happen to just one girl
I have an empty box of tissues, that's a full box of tears
Wasted on facing my fears
I'm losing you again
Guess this "love" wasn't meant to remain
I'm still so lost on what to do
It's your turn... Should I go or stay with you?

Yesterday... was pretty cool at first. whent to the store with my mom and that took forever. then around 12 i went and took my drivers test and passed. haha yeah i know im late but whatever. then i went to my best buddies house. and hung out with them for a long while. then we decided that we were gonna go to the splitfire.. there was going to be a dance... so i get home change and all that and talk to anthony. he wanted to go so i went and picked him up. the he dropped something on me. he had to go do soemthing im not going into detail. but after that my night turned soooo crappy. everywhere we were supposed to meet didnt work. splitfire... i said iwas goin to be inside.. and he went and left. then the back gate... he was at someones dads house..mind you it was on the other side of town. so i wait... i waited all that time to drop him of at someones house down the street from where he got dropped off to see me. ugh. wasted all night on that. Do not get me wrog i like him a lot. i really do. but things dont seem to be workin out. something always goes wrong with us. ever since 10th grade. this is way more trouble than its worth. im almost ready to say it over.!!!!!!

Yeah i know. i havent wrote in my journal in a long time. sorry sorry, iknow how much you miss all my exciting stories, sheesh how could i let you down. well, today wasnt all that exciting. Went shopping woke up like 20,000 times this morning. okay more like 20 but still thast alot. Last night was pretty okay, the guys were supposed to come over at like 430 really early so i thought iwas reasonable when they said 6. and then changed it to 7 good thing cuz i went to get food and wasnt home til around 7. we had no food at home and they told us.. have mom make alot of food. so we wait til around 720 and call or whatever and then they change it to nine. so we said fuck it and went on a walk. we ended up at kyle lunsteds house and they were having band practice.just our luck. by they way it was only me and kristin. so we leave around 8 and we hae an hour to spare. so we lay in my room and listen to some oldies and turn on my strobe lights. pretty cool stuff. and 9 comes around then920 so i call oh umm for sure we are coming at 930. okay so then its around 10 and they finally get here.kristin was out so alex went and woke her up. then we all finished watching bubble boy and then watched remember the titans. it was a pretty great night. but cant give details. sorry. anyway, anthony left at 12 and then alex left at 430 to go somewhere and i wokeup a bunhc of times in between. then juany calls at 517 and said they are on there way or soemthign i forget i was half asleep. so then me and krisitn get up and wait for her ride. and i jump in the shower. okay man second day in a row i fell asleep in the shower. do you seee somethign wrong with that cuz i do!. so then we went shopping like i said and then i dyed my hair and now im here talking ot juany. welp that should make up for lost time.later "keep it real homies"

so here i am sitting here writing. im soo bored. this weekend was no fun. didnt do a whole lot. just cleaned took my bro to the park and hung out wiht family from sacramento. had a big dinner thing. pretty okay didnt eat much. lately im just not hungry. haha my friend pedro shaved his mustache. haha its cute. wait little boy cute wouldnt want people to mistake that for me likein him or something. im really tired so this is my whole journal. goodnight. "keep it real homies"

well today nothign happened cuz i stayed home, pretty much to think and cuz i had a doctors appoint. and i felt fine later on. but anyways yeah im really lost on this whole me and him thing. last week hes like hey lets hang otu friday. he wanted to go to a movie and hang out and stuff. we hung out but no movie. then sunday he comes by sorta out of the blue and then monday its like a whole other guy. hes just like hey and whatever. and then when one of my friends is like so you hung otu with cassi this weekend. his response is.... um no. whats that about. i thougth things were going good. i guess i was just imagining us driving around vacaville for two hours. and i must have just gone out side sunday night talkign to myself. weirdo. but yeah so i wrote the guy a letter and im gonna talk to him about it tomorrow. why is life sooo freaking confusing. cant somethign in life be easy? ahhh. nothing goes right in my life. one moments its cool and the next. it was just my imagination. i guess thats how it goes. i cant wait for something good to actually happen to me. pff that will be the day hell freezes over. or i die whatever comes first. anyways im going to bed. "keep it real homies"

yeah i dont know what the woohooo is about today was anythign but wooohooo. normal school day. except we had a hot sub in 1st period. hmmm to bad he has a girl friend and is 26! geeze. anyways, besides that it was a normal everyday school day, got up went to school, had a test 3rd period and we had a bomb drill and our teacher was like no no keep doing your test. pfff nice drill. but then 4th period rolls around and we had a sub but he was butt ugly. then we all went to lunch at the imperial it was pretty fun. 5th period was boring and 6th period. oh my gosh 6th period was so crazy. ms hudson went to see the president or something weird that has to do with what is going on. pretty neato. expect their sub yelled at me. i was just sitting there and she goes oh do you need to go to the library? and i was like okay what is she talking about? and im like no and she goes well if your gonna be in here then you need to be quiet or ill send you out. Inside i was like wtf. and i was like alright. and she was like someone needs to take the scantron and im like shit im out of here. and took it then guy followed me and juanita and we found mayra in the bathroom. the whole class left pretty much but when we get back the class is out of control. throwing shit tipping desks, hiding eachothers skateboards, flinging caps and hitting people in the face with them and the dumb broad is sitting on one of the desks doing nothing about it. err i waslike okay i get out for supposivly talking and they are in their own little battle of "tear the class room apart" and i get yelled at. for no REASON! i just wanted to hit her in the face. but then i realized there are bigger problems than just dumb people. there are other dumb countries. we are supposed to be going to war and that kinda freaks me out. one of my friends got a draft letter. and has to go somewhere in 8 days. count that 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8! 8 Days! why is the world so screewed upp?!?! we shouldnt be going threw this.this is scary alot of people i know are over 18. majority of them are guys and thats who this crap really applys to. man i just dont know what to do...im gonna go lay down and think... good nite folks. "keep it real homies"

today was crap. i get up work on my essay. what a way to start a day. then i cleaned downstairs and helped my mom get ready for this party thing which wasnt bad. then my dad was lke get ready so i do. i guess we were going car shopping for me. yippie skippie. and the whole time he was mad at me and saying shut up casandra. leave your brother alone.. nag nag nag. i wanted to just go home but no. and then i get in trouble for laughing. my god what does he want me to do? back flips geeze. dont think so but it was ll good when mom got home. cuz her and chris and dad watched tv kept him away from me. but hes fine now or whatever. now im bored out of my mind. and i think kristin is mad at me cuz i didnt want to talk about something. sorry. i was just saying i didnt want to talk about it cuz it seemed to make you up set. and didnt do any good. i wanted to talk about something better. im really sorry. for those who that doesnt apply to. dont worry about it alright!!! well i guess im gonna head out of this bitch. "keep it real homies"

Today was pretty boring. I got up took a loonng shower cuz i couldnt breathe then got yelled at for takin all the water. how lovely. then i made breakfast for everyone and didnt even eat. wasnt hungry after i made all that stuff. but yeah then i took medicine and got knocked out for 3 1'/2 hours. man it was a good rest. but yeah i got up and called anthony. we talked for a few then he said hed call me back. which he did but i missed his call. damn!! he called at like 2 something and i dindt look at my cell till 6 or 7. dangit o h well i left i message on his phone, anyways, last night we hung out for a bit, just drivin around and stuff. not bad. could have had more fun if it werent for the fact im SICK!!! of all days im sick. yeah of course. only me. anyways, i was gonan have him come over and watch a movie but i could tell my dad made him feel weird. he gave me the lecture about all that stuff. which is getting old. and tiresome. but yeah it was fun its been a while since we hung out alone. ALONE key word alone. haha jk. anyways. but now im sitting here talking to my best buddy kristin. LOve you girl. i have to go to bed now. sick remember.! er. welp later days "keep it real homies"

today wasnt eventful. :( but yeah anyways it was a normal minimum day. nothing special at all. same boring stuff. boring boring boring boring,.... oh sorry. but yeah i guess me and ant are gonna do something tonight. im kinda ill though, it prolly wont be to much fun. i want it to be though. i hate being sick. im all tired and stuff. haha today in 6th some kid looked like he was humpin the desk. haha and he got a boner. huh wanda? gross man he was just goin at it sittin in his desk like no one could see. haha but me and juanita did. and everyone was lke damn whats wrong with them. but thats the only funny thing that happened today. the rest was just blllaahh.well im gonna go now. later. "Keep it real homies"

Today was an eventful one. GOt on the bus and we had to wait forlike 5 minutes for some girl to get her ass on the bus. I was like you know what, next time were waiting here you need to run and get on the bus faster. and i said it nice. ha for once, then she flipped me off and i was like "oh no bitch" which was kinda funny cuz the whole bus laughed. and then i went off and five minutes later she tells me to suck a dick, i mean one, come one who says that anymore, and two shes the one with a dick, her quote is, im a dickless boy with boobs. talk about a dumb bitch. and then kristin asks her when we see her in the hall "what did you tell cassi to suck on again?" "uummm what?" yeah thast what i thought. lets turn dumb. and of course she has too tell all her "friends" like the really care. but yeah besides that today was pretty cool. talked to ant alot and all that fun stuff. still sick oh yeah!! nice huh? oh and krystle you need to ask us whats up not go around til you can find someone with something to say about us. you got something to say. say it to ME! dont go asking my friends. GOT IT! well to everyone i actually give a shit about... have a nice day. "Keep it real Homies"

Hey what's goin on? Well its wednesday night, and im chillen alone with my bro. moms in a bad mood not sure why and im just chillen in my room. "doing homework" but actually writing right now. Not alot has been going on. Been talkin to anthony alot more but thats about it. I just smashed my finger in a drawer. oh man it hurts. this week has been a not bad one. been havin fun execpt im sick out of no where is just hit me. right in the face. i was like okay i cant breathe right now. thats not good. and now i have the sniffles. :( poor me. well i have to get back to my essay now. byebye "Keep it real homies"